


Le Bobard

by portmanteaux



Series: Supporting Characters [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Dramatic Irony, Kurt's Birthday, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sneaky!Blaine, kurt hates porn, mentions of porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 11:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12770100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/portmanteaux/pseuds/portmanteaux
Summary: AU where Kurt and Blaine met for the first time after college in New York. Blaine is sure Kurt's going to love his birthday surprise. If only he can keep it a surprise. Except Kurt has the uncanny ability to sense when Blaine is looking up Parisian restaurants or translating French websites. When discretion fails, Blaine resorts to a lie that has a life of its own.





	Le Bobard

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another little snapshot from this 'verse that can stand alone as a oneshot. Kurt and Blaine don't meet until after college in New York, but there are echoes of cannon events throughout. Hope you enjoy.

            This was going to be great.

            Blaine was so excited for the birthday present he was planning for Kurt. Kurt had mentioned Paris several times as a dream destination, and Blaine wanted to be the one to take him there. He had spoken to Carole about it when she and Burt had visited New York, to find out if Kurt's passport was valid and to get her opinion on how Kurt would react. She'd been positive he would be blown away. Blaine had been very sneaky and contacted Kurt's boss to clear some vacation time with her. Once Blaine explained that he wanted to whisk Kurt away on a surprise trip to Paris, Isabelle had practically swooned and happily helped him plan the dates, even pulling strings to get them a couple of complementary nights at a five-star hotel while they were there.

            Once he had a time frame, he was free to research and make an itinerary. Blaine wanted to choose tickets and reservations personally for the things he knew Kurt would like to do and see, but he didn't want to over-schedule them. He wanted them both to be able to relax and enjoy the city.

            Unfortunately, Kurt had the uncanny ability to sense when Blaine was looking up Parisian restaurants or translating French websites. He kept getting way too close to seeing the contents of Blaine's computer screen, and even though Blaine tried to discreetly close tabs or close his laptop and put it aside, he'd already gotten a couple of strange looks from Kurt.

            One particular night, Kurt had managed to completely sneak up on him. He hadn't meant to, he simply came into the bedroom while Blaine was absorbed and sat down on the bed beside him. Blaine had jumped and snapped the lid of his computer closed, sliding it off his lap and to his side, away from Kurt.

            Kurt looked down at the laptop and then up at Blaine's sheepish face.

            "Is something wrong?"

            "No, I, um...of course not," Blaine replied, cursing himself for being the opposite of smooth.

            "Is there something you don't want me to see?"

            Blaine quickly ran through the possibilities. He could be as honest as possible and tell Kurt he was working on a surprise for him—but then Kurt might snoop, and he really didn't want him to spoil it. His mind was racing, trying to come up with a believable lie. 'I'm buying an illegal pet on the dark web' didn't seem plausible enough, but—

            "Porn!" he almost shouted. He watched Kurt's eyes widen and stare at him. He cleared his throat. Too late to back down now. "I was, uh, looking at porn," he said more quietly, sheepishly. "I didn't mean to, I just kind of happened upon it, and it, uh...got my attention."

            "Oh," Kurt replied. He seemed to believe him, and Blaine felt a mixture of relief and horror at the lie he'd blurted out. "Okay. Um, goodnight." Kurt slipped under the covers and turned off his bedside lamp.

            "Goodnight," Blaine replied. He put his computer on the night table and curled up with Kurt.

 

 **********

 

            "Tina, I need to ask you a personal question," Kurt began, looking nervously at her over lunch. 

            Tina's expression quickly turned serious. "Shoot."

            "Have you ever caught Mike—" he looked around and lowered his voice, "watching porn?"

            Her eyes widened in surprise, but then she smiled. "Oh. Well, yeah, once or twice," she said.

             "And? What did you do?"

            She shrugged. "We watch it together sometimes."

            "So it doesn't bother you at all?"

            "It's normal. Fun, even. Everybody does it, right?"

            "I don't!" Kurt snapped.

            Tina gave him a sympathetic look. "I'll go out on a limb and assume we're talking about Blaine?"

            Kurt nodded. "He keeps quickly closing tabs and closing his laptop whenever I'm nearby. My first thought would be jewelry, but," Kurt flashed his left hand at her, "he already put a ring on it. So I asked him about it last night, and he admitted that it was porn. Said it was an _accident_."

            "What did you say?"

            "I just said goodnight and went to bed. I had no idea what to say, and anything I did say in that moment probably would have started a fight."

            "How's the sex?" she asked. She sipped her diet coke through her straw, eyebrows up expectantly.

            Kurt flushed and shrugged. "Great. Frequent. But there's obviously something wrong if he needs—" Kurt drastically lowered his voice again— " _porn_ while his fiancé is in the next room. I mean, am I not enough? Does he have some sort of...something I'm not doing?"

            "Whoa, take a breath, Kurt. You obviously need to talk to Blaine about this. Just let him explain and try not to judge him. And if it really bothers you, you have to tell him how you feel. I'm sure it's nothing you can't work out."

            Kurt sighed. "Right. Talk to Blaine. I can do that."

 

 **********

 

            Kurt picked up dinner on the way home that evening—Thai takeout, one of Blaine's favorites—and came home to Blaine on the couch, peering through his glasses at sheafs of music scores. Blaine hopped up as soon as he saw Kurt come in the front door and helped him carry the bags to the counter, leaning in close and kissing his cheek. "How was your day?"

            "Great," Kurt replied. "I had lunch with Tina."

            Blaine smiled as he pulled plates out of the cabinet. "How's she doing?"

            "Oh, fine. We should have dinner with her and Mike soon."

            "Sounds good."

            They ate dinner and Blaine finished up what he was working on afterwards. Kurt gave him some space and tried to psych himself up for the unpleasant talk he was going to have to initiate. He reminded himself not to judge, and just to listen. He hovered in the doorway for a moment, taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves.

             "Blaine, can we talk?"

            "Of course," Blaine replied.

             Kurt came fully into the room and sat on the couch two feet away from Blaine, who frowned at the space between them. "Okay. Um. You know you can tell me anything, right?" Kurt said gently. "And I won't judge you. Even if I don't understand at first, I promise I'll try."

             Blaine's brow knit together in confusion. "Okay, but what are you talking about?"

             "I just...if there's something you want us to...try, or something you need from me, something I'm not doing right for you, you can tell me."

             Blaine blinked, his jaw dropped open slightly. He had no idea what Kurt was hinting at. He was blushing and seemed to be trying to reassure him. "I'm sorry, I still don't know what you mean."

             Blaine knew instantly that this was the wrong response to whatever Kurt was saying. Kurt closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. "I really want to understand why you need...porn. If there's something you need that's missing from our...our sex life that would make it better for you, or if it's not...enough—"

             Blaine reached out reflexively and gripped Kurt’s knee to stop that sentence in its tracks. He would have physically kicked himself in the ass if he could contort that way. "Oh, god. No. I wasn't—Oh, _damn_ it. I'm an idiot."

             His rambling and cursing made Kurt more nervous.

             "I wasn't watching porn," Blaine sighed, still feeling flustered. "Kurt, there’s nothing missing from our sex life," he said firmly.

             "But you—last night you said—and you keep hiding your screen—"

             "I lied. I blurted out porn because I _was_ doing something I didn't want you to see. Nothing bad; it's just...not ready yet. God, I'm a terrible liar. _Porn_." Blaine ran a hand through his own hair, making it stick up, and Kurt reached up and smoothed it back down.

             "So, you weren't watching porn," Kurt clarified, looking immensely relieved.

             "No."

             "But you can't tell me what you were really doing?"

             Blaine shook his head. "Not yet."

             Kurt stared at him for a moment. "Okay."

            "Okay?" Blaine echoed.

             Kurt shrugged. "I trust you. It's not illegal, right?"

             "Right."

             "Then I'll wait."

             Blaine chuckled at how silly they'd both been. Then something clicked, and he stopped suddenly, looking at Kurt and getting his attention. "Kurt. You thought...you thought I had a _kink_ ," he said slowly. "And you wanted to try and give me what I needed."

             "Don't tease me," Kurt pleaded. "This conversation was mortifying. I thought you were unhappy, and I was really freaked out."

             "I know. I'm not teasing. I mean, I'd give anything to know what sordid things you imagined I might be watching, but you were willing to at least hear it even though you were uncomfortable. Because you love me," he concluded with a bright smile.

             Kurt gave a smile and a little shrug. "Obviously."

             "You amaze me over and over," Blaine murmured in awe. Kurt let him pull him into a kiss.

             "So do you watch porn?" he asked curiously.

            "Sometimes,” Blaine replied with a shrug. “But, Kurt, I’m more than happy with everything we do together. If it bothers you, we can talk about it.”

             Kurt shrugged. "I guess I don’t understand what people get out of it. I've tried watching it, but I just kept thinking about how they were kids once, and how they all have mothers, and what would their mothers think, and why would you get _that_ tattooed _there_?"

            Blaine chuckled. "I promise the next time I watch porn, you'll be right there with me for color commentary. Maybe we can find something we both like, and if not, it’s no problem.”

             Kurt smiled. "Deal."

 

           **********

 

            "I know your birthday is a week away, but there's something I want to give you tonight," Blaine said on the short walk home from dinner.

             Kurt quirked an eyebrow. His eyes darkened and raked down Blaine's body and then back up to his face.

             Blaine barked out a laugh. "No, not _that_. Though, I wouldn't rule it out. It's a surprise."

             Kurt's face lit up. "The surprise you've been working on?"

             "Yep."

             Kurt gripped his arm more tightly and bounced excitedly. Blaine couldn't help but catch his enthusiasm. He was excited, too, and a little nervous.

            Inside, Kurt sat on the couch to wait for Blaine. When Blaine came back, he handed Kurt a small, wrapped, flat box. Kurt's face split into a grin, and he kissed Blaine's cheek before carefully untying the ribbon and ripping away the gold and red paper. He took off the lid and found a bright white envelope inside. Glancing curiously up at Blaine and seeing him smiling nervously, he opened the envelope and his eyes went wide.

             "Plane tickets. To Paris?" he said slowly. Other than shock, his face betrayed no emotion. Blaine started to squirm. He nodded and started to explain.

             Before he could get a word out, Kurt's mouth was on his, and he was climbing onto Blaine's lap and pushing him back against the couch cushions. Blaine's hands figured out what was going on before his brain did, clutching at Kurt's back. Kurt melted into him, and they just kissed until their jaws were sore and their lips were swollen.

            Blaine cleared his throat, feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen. "Do you like it?"

            Kurt laughed and looked down at the tickets in his hand. "Oh my god, Blaine. I can't believe you did this. It's too much."

            "After that reaction, I think it's just exactly the right amount."

            "I should be upset that you're giving me almost no time to pack," Kurt scolded playfully.

            Blaine smiled. "I figured you'd want to pack light anyway, so we have plenty of luggage space to shop."

            Kurt's eyes went glassy for a moment while he absorbed that sentence. "You are amazing. I'll never be able to top this."

            "This is for both of us. We're going to Paris _together_. It's going to be magical."

            "Shouldn't we be saving up for the wedding and the honeymoon?" he wondered.

            "You haven't had a vacation in years, Kurt, I asked around. We deserve this."

            "What about work?" Kurt asked, biting his lip.

            "It's all worked out. Isabelle was thrilled to give you two weeks off. I actually think she's a little jealous of you."

            "She should be! Two weeks in Paris," Kurt said breathlessly. "Blaine. Take me to bed."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I believe "bobard" is French for "fib," as in "small lie."


End file.
